Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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