Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
