i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
