I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
