no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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