Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
