I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
