Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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