Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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