He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
