Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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