So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize