she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
