Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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