Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
