First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize