OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
