You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
