So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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