I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
