I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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