i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If its not for food we ain't going out.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
