I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
