My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
