marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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