its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize