You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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