Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
