So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
