There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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