she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
