Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
