How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
