Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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