OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
