I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
