I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
