I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize