you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
