they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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