She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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