he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
