i already hear my dad disowning me
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
