Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize