Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
