Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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