i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
