This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
