Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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