My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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