Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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