i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize