His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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