Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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