that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
