it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
A+ Viking dick
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
