I smell stomach acid.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
