I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
