I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize