I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I love black thongs
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
