Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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