a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
