here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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