My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
