Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
