Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
it glows. i had to have it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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