i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
