I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
