Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
