That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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