you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
