I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
