she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
