after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
