Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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