Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
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