An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
