then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
