I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
