break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
