the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize