I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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