That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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