Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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