what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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