I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
