yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
