I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
