They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
