Sponge bath it is.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
