so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I FOUND THE LEGS
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
