i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
