i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
