College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
