He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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