Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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