Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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