and she was petting her beer can
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
