I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
accomplished twins. life is a go
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
