I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
