WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
