just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
