I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize