Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize