Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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