Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
