Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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