So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
