Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
