Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
